Mind Tools Stress
mind tools stress
Cant cope!?
Ok Im a 20 year old student and I live at home. I know Im lucky to have my mum and dad around and have them cook sometimes and look after me, but its driving me round the bend!
They ask me to do stuff like Im a teenager! Do the washing now, clean up now, etc....
I dont mind that they ask me to do it but they expect me to drop tools and do it there and then! If I was in my own house I could do it when I wanted and just not stress about it - like my parents are.
I know Im lucky about not paying rent but I just cant aford to live home this year - I will be next year
Its sooo frustrating! Its not that I hate my parents, its just they critisize me for being messy etc when in fact i'm tidy compared to most students!
I want my own life!!!!
Any tips on how to survive the summer, when Im home even more?!!!
If you were on your own, how would you cope with your landlord? Landlords often enter apartments and rental properties and will even evict people for failing to keep the place clean and neat. The fact is that when you become an adult, you actually have less freedom than you had as a teenager or as a college student. You should be aware that you will never have more freedom than you do at this time. Here's why.
When you leave home, you are responsible for your meals, for laundry, cleaning your place, getting up for work every day, paying your own bills, putting gas into your car, getting the insurance (life, health, and vehichle and other liability insurance) and will be required to care for yourself continuously. Your boss and your job will begin to rule your time and your parents' orders or demands will be replaced by those of your boss or others in authority. The difference is that your parents are often willing to give you some leeway whereas your boss will require you to drop everything and do as you're told. If you have a wife and children, the needs of your children and your wife will often dictate how your time is used.
To cope in your current situation, you might sit down with your parents and make a list of the chores or duties they expect you to do. Then work out a timetable (maybe once per week, you will vaccuum, dust, do laundry, etc.). If they require a more specific time, then you should agree to coordinate with your schedule and theirs. You might confine your mess to your room and agree to keep the shared spaces in the manner that your parents wish. Keep your door shut so they don't have to view your mess. If you were in your own house, you would not be able to do what you want when you want because there are always mitigating factors. Repairs need to be done, rent to be paid, bills to be paid, etc. Other factors will dictate how you spend your time. Here's a way to get a decent idea of what it will take to be on your own.
Sit down with your parents (or go out and scout homes and apartments to find out the costs). Find out what the rent/mortgage payment is, real estate taxes, utilities, insurance, etc. Find out what date the bills are due so you can see that you will have to spend time to pay the bills so they will get paid on time. Don't forget to include your car payments, car insurance, gas, repairs, food, clothing and shelter. (Don't know about food? Get a list from your mom and do a week's worth of grocery shopping to see what it costs) After you have added up all these expenses write down the total and then put that paper aside for a moment. you could even use your parents' actual figures, figures that include your tuition for school, etc. and then divide the total by the number of people in the family who are working.
On a new sheet of paper write down the number of hours in an average work week (40) and multiply it by 52 weeks in a year = 2080 work hours per year. Divide that number by 12 and that will give you the number of work hours per month (173.33). Now go back to your other paper (and if you figured the expenses as monthly as most would do) take that total and divide it by 173.33 to find out how much money you would have to get paid per hour (and this would be after taxes) to meet those expenses. For example, if your rent was $800, your electricity $50, your gas $50, your water and garbage $35, your car $185, your Car insurance $160, Your health and life insurance (could be anywhere from $80 to $200/month., Car Gas $175, car maintenance $50 = $1585 per month. Notice there is no food, clothing or other expenses in this number. Divide that number $1585 by 173.33 and you would have to clear $9.14 per hour (clear means net pay, after taxes etc.) just to make ends meet. Minimum wage is not $9.14 per hour -- it's more like $6.50 so you wouldn't even be able to live on your own if you made minimum wage. Remember that this number does not include food, clothing and other required expenses. This is merely shelter, car, car insurance, gas, and health insurance! Now, tell me again, how much freedom will you have on your own? You'd be lucky to make enough money to go out on the town once per month. Think again and maybe talk to your parents -- adult to adult. Offer to help with expenses wherever possible and agree to do what you can to help them. Understand that no landlord or business will give you a break or feed you when you don't have the money (that is unless you're an illegal immigrant or totally homeless) so you have the best of both worlds right now. Talk with your parents, explain what you would like. Take on some of the same responsibilities you would have if you were truly on your own and agree to do this in exchange for certain other freedoms. Work together and you might find out that your parents are a better choice than anywhere else. If you had room mates, those room mates would be putting demands on you and what will you do when one of them doesn't pay his/her share of the rent? Will you be going to your parents for help? Who else would help you? What would you lose? What if you can't make your car payment? If the car is repossessed, your expenses will be astronomical. Would your parents help you out with that? Seriously, think carefully about what freedom truly means. None of us is truly free. We are at the mercy of our bosses, our jobs, our expenses and numerous other concerns.
Been there done that. Know many others who have been there and done that and who wish they could have stayed at home with their parents (Their parents simply said -- you're 18, you make your bed, you sleep in it and kicked them out). Others had their parents become ill and needed care so the students dropped out of school in order to care for them. Now that their parents are gone, they are realizing how much their parents actually contributed because now they have to do it all. Believe me, you will learn. Enjoy this time of your life and learn to live with your parents. It's the time where you will have the greatest amount of freedom in your life along with the greatest amount of protection and unconditional love. Give back instead of complaining. Thank your parents. Tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Work it out with them. You'll be much happier.
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